The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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