i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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