every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
