the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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