I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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