An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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