just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
