Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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