took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
