Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
