So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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