sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
