Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
