I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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