I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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