chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
