Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
