Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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