i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
