allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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