my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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