I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
