is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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