Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...