hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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