I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.