so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.