You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sober January is a disaster.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying