I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives