i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company