i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks