On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.