Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
