My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
