No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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