My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
