my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
