my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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