I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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