My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
