I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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