waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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