Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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