Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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