Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
