you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
