I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
