i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
