At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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