I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
