are you still at the devil's house?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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