she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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