I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize