I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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