His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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