Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
