What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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