My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
