Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
