Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
