If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
