Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
