One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
