Are we in a gay sports bar?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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