dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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