So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
