im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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