I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize