Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
