I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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